There have been COUNTLESS times where I’ve felt like I was going to die while in transit. Am I the only big scaredy cat who hates flying? Probably not. Despite most people dealing with this emotion, it’s pretty taboo to talk about, and since I don’t really give a crap about feeling ashamed, I’ll tell you all about my fear.
Despite dreading the process of being in transit, I have chosen live a life where I get on rickety buses, high speed trains, and planes multiple times a month. I’ve told myself that it’s a challenge and fear that I should get over by putting myself through hell every time I’m en route.
There have been moments driving in buses on a Latin American mountain where the road had no guard rail. The bus would speed through a thick coat of fog at night during a thunderstorm and all I would do was strategically position myself so that if the bus crashed, I had a better position to potentially survive. Pretty crazy stuff, but when I told Damon, he agreed he did the same thing and we laughed it off.
The reality is that I think all of us are afraid of being completely helpless in these situations, we just have to surrender to whoever’s piloting the vehicle; Jesus take the wheel status.
My grandmother once told me that she wasn’t afraid of crashing in a plane, because if she ever happened to pass away from that, she knew that at least she was going somewhere. Those words never left me, and I hold them to heart every time I feel in danger.
One of the most recent flights I took went through a crazy night time thunderstorm. The plane was shaking so intensely that the only thing I could think of doing was write out my anxiety, and thus, this “turbulence poem” was born. Enjoy!
The jiggles upset my stomach
The dry air pisses off my nose
My bowels move faster than lightning
And my sweat constantly drenches my clothes
The person next to me acts funky
My palms never lose their clam
As moments pass I keep checking the time
To see if landing is nearby
But no, it’s only been ten minutes, and damn my crusty eyes
Holy shit there goes turbulence
That sends chills up, down, and around my spine
Can’t understand how I do this
Each and every effing time
Thank god for the puke bag, I might actually need to use it
Someone hold my hand and help my stomach handle all this fluid
Deep breaths will calm it down
But the shakes won’t stop right now
It just got worse, getting so pale, I might even lose my brown
This medal object flying, someone please just tell me how
Turn to the window wondering if i’ll see the light
Take a few more breaths and remind myself ima be alright.