Motivation

When Friends and Family Are Holding You Back From Travel

So you’ve got quite the lengthy bucket list full of those potential crazy stories you could tell when you’re in a rocking chair, like riding in a hot air balloon or running a marathon, but you never seem to knock any of them off. Your list continues to grow, and the more you add to your list, the more haterade you be’ accumulatin’.

Your mom won’t let you #31 Go Bungee Jumping in Costa Rica because you could get hurt and your friends laugh at you when you want to #8 Go Vegan for a Month. Your attempts to #22 Learn Another Language are thwarted because your conservative family believes they shouldn’t have to press 1 for English. You’ve always wanted to #57 Start a Rock Band, but someone told you “there’s so much competition” and that “it’s not realistic,” so you settled for something more realistic like #58 Dance on a Bar, but even that is hard to cross off without your friends thinking you’re a lil’ slutty slut. You begin to realize that the life you want to live is not happening due to the people around you. All of these potentially exciting life experiences are ultimately halted by your “support” system.

Ha, support schmupport.

motivation-amtrak

That’s right; for some people, the problem isn’t a frowning bank account or a stingy job that doesn’t allow for time off; it’s deadweight – those who do nothing but hold you back. In sociological terms, they’re called “gatekeepers.” In modern hip-hop terms, they’re called “playa-haters.” In any case, these people bring negativity and unhappiness to your life and are…toxic.

The toxic species comes in many forms: the ex, the guilt tripper, the hot mess friend, the friend who’s a catty bitch, the misery-loves-company friend, the flake friend, the friend who always plays the victim, the friend who complains about work, the friend who gets bitter when they lose social media followers, etc.

Instead of seeing life in terms of endless possibilities (like doing incredible things on your bucket list and exploring the world), these people see life as nothing but obstacles, drama, and obligations. For example, Person A wants to do more in life. He’s excited about the direction he could lead his life and he’s eager to get started. Any conversation with a toxic person, or Person B, is turned into a way of discouraging Person A, making him dip back into a state of complacency and mediocrity:

1: “Don’t you want to wait till you have more money?”

2: “What if it doesn’t work out?”

3: “How are you going to get time off work?”

Wouldn’t it be a lot more refreshing to be around those who respond:

1: “Do you need any help researching cheaper ways to do it?”

2: “Hey, and even if it doesn’t work out, at least you now know!”

3: “Let me know your secrets to getting off work so I can do the same!”

When the time has to come to finally detox this baggage from your life, my preferred strategy is not a dramatic showdown, but a gradual phase-out (cuz let’s be real, this ain’t Flavor of Love and you ain’t Pumpkin). They ask if you’re busy next Tuesday, and you respond, “Yep.” Do you actually have something going on next Tuesday? Hell no. But in a way, you’re too busy being happy and in a good place in your life for someone to drain your energy and motivation. Anyone who is holding you back from living life ain’t worth living with. There are seven billion people in the world; not all of them are playa haters. Phasing out the toxic people in your friend circle may just be the catalyst you need to finally say f*ck it and live the life you want. Because once you finally cross that item off your bucket list, it will have all been worth it. Go get em tiger.

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  • Sterling Cooper

    I’ve been saying I’d do something like you are for years. I want to #6 Go Fossil-Hunting in Kenya and #77 Threesome in PV, can’t forget #3 Sneak in to the Vatican Secret Archives and #23 Run Rockey’s Run through Philly and #19 Coffee at Central Perk.
    Too bad for me, you’re so cute: I just can’t pry my eyes away from the screen to have any adventures of my own. ♥
    Some day though; I haven’t spent my teens studying languages to waste my 20s on a computer.

    • Oh stawp! You’re flattering us! We invite you to come with us!

  • Shenelle

    I really need to take this advice.. You guys are awesome!

    • you gotta do whatcha gotta do. this is your life shenelle!

  • Brianna

    Can I just say that for the past 3 days I have stayed up til 6am watching you guys’ videos. I can’t get enough and I’m recommending y’all to all of my friends lol. I think what you guys promote is so important. We all need to just #shutupandgo and stop creating excuses. Ive always had a thing for adventures and traveling but my family has always been so overprotective and kinda held me back. Honestly speaking, you both have changed my life and my perception of living. I’m a college student, graduating next year and I’m sooo excited for what’s in store. I’ve just booked 3 trips for the summer and Studying Abroad during my last year of college this September. Thank you for being an inspiration to young travelers such as myself. Love y’all! <3

  • Flor

    Heeeeyyyyyyyyyyy, i need this i really want to travel but im from a strict Mexican household so im not allowed to go anywhere unless i ask for permission and if my mom grants it (aka she the boss). Seriously i want to hang with my friends but then my mom is saying its dangerous to go out blah blah blah like el peligro esta en cual quier parte ma.
    but its hard to stand up to parents especially to your mom (bc she can pull out the i gave birth to you card :/)
    plus to top it off i have my oldest sister that acts like a mom ( i’m twenty by the way now and i still cant go out. my sister is 35) she judges how i dress and my hair and i can only go out if shes around to drive me -__- there. shes nice and all but sometimes you just want to be with your friends without having a seven oclock curfew. ( btw my oldest sister still lives at home bc she doesnt want to move out to save money for travel shes been to india, france, england, peru, mexico, canada, and pretty much everywhere in the US kinda a hypocrite that she convinces my mom not to let me out and and she does she has to pick me up at eight when i got there at six like okkkkayyy) kinda venting here.

    in conclusion, i need some family advice. How did your parents let you move out and explore? how do i tell them that they are tying me down and not letting me leave the nest bc im having so much trouble here and im ready to shut up and go!

    lots of love,
    flor from Chicago

    p.s.
    started watching your youtube videos and im addicted, still havent watch most of them but i will.

    • raissaemail

      Hi Flor,
      My coworker is italian and her family is similarly strict..she just found an apartment, took all her courage and told her parents she’s moving out (she 24). They told her she won’t make it, she is crazy and a disgrace, insulting to her family..she let them yell but the next day she told her mum that she can keep this up, or she can do it with her (choose furniture, organising the move, decorating) ’cause she needed her.
      Her mum came around. The dad will take a little while longer, but it’ll be ok. Good luck!

  • Maria

    (going through your old blog posts, hope you don’t mind!)
    this article made me feel so much better, because I’m trying to cut all ties with toxic people. The thing is, how do you make more ”positive” friends? I’m finding it really hard to find open minded people where I live, so I need all the help I can get!
    (I live in Malta by the way, which is a really (like, really) small island)

  • Aggressive Pizzaman

    I would appreciate it if you could, in any format, provide us with your life stories, putting special attention and providing deeper insight on the period when you were making your minds up towards the just-shut-up-and-do-it tipping point, and how was the process of accepting that life decision.

    PS ‘2:(…) at least you now know’ sounds extremly cacophonous. I very much prefer ‘at least you know now’, stressing the penúltima word. (I’m sorry, but if English doesn’t have a more suitable word for second-to-last, then I’ll borrow it from another language)
    You guys are probably going to make fun of me, but I don’t mind really.

  • Aggressive Pizzaman

    I would appreciate it if you could, in any format, provide us with
    your life stories, putting special attention and providing deeper
    insight on the period when you were making your minds up towards the
    just-shut-up-and-do-it tipping point, and how was the process of
    accepting that life decision.

    PS ‘2:(…) at least you now know’
    sounds extremly cacophonous. I very much prefer ‘at least you know now’,
    stressing the penúltima word. (I’m sorry, but if English doesn’t have a
    more suitable word for second-to-last, then I’ll borrow it from another
    language)
    You guys are probably going to make fun of me, but I don’t mind really.

  • Lily d.

    What if age is holding you back? What if you can’t even drive yet and all you want to do is see the world?

    • I didn’t get a license until I was 18, and even then, never drove because I moved to Manhattan. You just have to take risks, and move to a place where public transportation is bumpin’ it’ll give you the freedom you need!

    • Karla Miletti

      Set yourself up so once you come of age you’ll be able to travel. Work, save some money, and consider what kind of lifestyle you want for yourself once you’re independent. In the meantime, enjoy life! Good luck!

  • Tyler B

    It’s funny because I have a few friends who fit this category. I love ’em to death but I’m thinking I may just have to start solo traveling in the future.

  • Ariana kjd

    Hey man this is really relevant to me, please write an update of this, tell old stories more in depth. I relate! much love xo

  • Yasmine Ali

    Man, I’m pretty sure everyone I know is stopping me from what I want to achieve. But ‘m not letting it happen anymore!

  • Kcinreal Sadmis

    wow july 7my birthday read this make me reborn haha thanx

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